No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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