I'm lost and stupid without you.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
