Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
