The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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