i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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