Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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