Just fell off a train. Bad.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
