Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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