I feel like abortions should bother me more
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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