just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
