I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
