in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I smell like Dick and happiness
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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