Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
