i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
