so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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