dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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