I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
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