Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
