Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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