Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
