I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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