Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
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i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
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Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
the raccoons are back...
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