i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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