Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
