Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We left an ass print on the piano.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
