I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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