Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
