you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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