I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
