Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
