dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
