Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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