If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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