So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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