Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
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