this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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