You really coming over, don't trick.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst night to have a conscience
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I want her autograph on my taint
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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