Betty ford says i'm here all night
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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