my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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