I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
