Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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