First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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