I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
