You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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