she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
