well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
