I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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