My balls are so social today.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.