ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.