They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger