You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
