wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
