i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
