You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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