there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
