I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
