You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
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He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
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I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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