My hand turned me down
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
