Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
