I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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