i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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