Don't you send me to vm
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
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She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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