Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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