Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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