You just made me feel so damn special
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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